TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE
Back in March 2006 Cesc Fàbregas dispossessed Juventus’s Patrick Vieira with a superb sliding tackle that simultaneously ruined the Frenchman’s return to Highbury and confirmed the young Spaniard as a rising midfield star. This morning, just over a decade later, Fàbregas felt ready to essay the second tackle of his career. If only he’d tried it 10 seconds sooner, then it might have been well timed.
The ball was there to be won. And then it wasn’t, and that’s when Fàbregas made his move. As Liverpool and Chelsea carried their entertaining blood feud into a pre-season friendly in Pasadena, the midfielder took a running jump that evoked memories of Carl Lewis at the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics, only Fàbregas landed not in a sandpit but on the leg of Liverpool’s summer recruit from Estonia, Ragnar Klavan. Liverpool’s official website described it as a “dangerous, lunging challenge against the ankle of Klavan.” Chelsea’s official website described it as “a comradely pat on the back”. Only joshing, even Chelsea’s propaganda organ admitted the tackle was late, though the club’s Twitter feed did suggest that the subsequent red card was “a little harsh”.
Chelsea’s manager, Antonio Conte, a man who tends to spend matches performing air tackles along the sideline, later apologised on behalf of his player, explaining that Fàbregas got his timing wrong because he was tired, as opposed to a sneaky prat. Which is perhaps understandable given that Fàbregas is taking a year out of the game to find himself (rumours claim he was in Chelsea’s midfield all along, yet Willian is adamant he was on his own for almost all of last season).
The good thing for Liverpool is that Klavan’s leg remains intact and, in fact, he was able to finish the match. The bad news for Liverpool is that not a single man in red shoved, jostled or threatened Fàbregas in the wake of the tackle. That tame reaction contrasted alarmingly with the admirable fury of Mark Noble and Winston Reid on Tuesday when Aaron Cresswell was felled (and seriously injured) by a tackle by Karlsruhe’s Grischa Prömel. Noble and Reid barged the offender, forced him into a hurried retreat and made gestures that seemed to intimate that Prömel would be better advised to change career than venture into another tackle against a West Ham player. Not strictly by the book, as reactions go, but sometimes players have to lay down their own laws. It’s all very well sending Mamadou Sakho home for being late, but if Jürgen Klopp wants a team that wins stuff, he needs players who know when to flout rules.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Hervas has not adapted to the capital of Bosnia-Herzegovina and, at the insistence of his family, especially his wife, wants to return to his country. This development will not weaken the team as the coaching staff has plenty of alternatives in midfield and is already looking forward to the derby match against FK Sarajevo. We wish the player all the best in his future career and hope that he resolves any family problems he may have experienced” – Bosnian side FK Zeljeznicar Sarajevo confirm that their new Spanish signing Javier Hervas has booked himself on the Do One Express without playing a game after reports that he and his wife were put off living in the city after being set upon by a pack of stray dogs while out taking a stroll.
FIVER LETTERS
“You have gone too far this time, Fiver. I’m tolerant of the lame jokes and repeated gags but this time you have gone too far. My dictionary was happy propping up one leg of the couch until you slipped in the word abstemious into yesterday’s Fiver. Just what in the hell is going on over there? Lawyers taking over for summer hols?” – Señor Bingo.
“You learn something new every day – rarely but occasionally it happens when reading The Fiver. Your use of the word abstemious yesterday prompted me to remember that is it one of only two words you are ever likely to come across that has the 5 vowels in alphabetical order. The irony being I would have put a lot of money on you being more likely to use the other word - facetious as it suits the Fiver’s style more. I wonder how many pedant Fiver readers will now feel compelled to write in pointing out how often they use the words caesious and aerious? – Graham Haslam.
“As usual, Fiver will always get it wrong (yesterday’s Fiver). The correct vice you should have referred to regarding Pep’s ban on pizza is gluttony. According to this here Wikipedia entry, gluttony, which is “derived from the Latin gluttire meaning to gulp down or swallow, means over-indulgence and over-consumption of food, drink, or wealth items to the point of extravagance or waste”, while greed “is an inordinate or insatiable longing, especially for wealth, status, and power”, the latter you can accuse City of. Failing to even look this up, Fiver continues to commit that other deadly sin of which it is so fond - sloth. And let’s not forget its gluttonous love of Purple Tin” – Nigel Assam.
“Is it a coincidence that the picture accompanying Alan Smith’s in-depth investigation looks like a Man City stickman nose-diving into a giant pizza?” – Timothy Birdsall.
“It is good to see that Big Sam is going to play Wayne Rooney in the same position that José plays him at Manchester United. So that’s one position on England’s bench sorted” – Robert Darby.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Graham Haslam.
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RECOMMENDED VIEWING
Imagine what would have happened had England not won the World Cup in 1966 … Actually, don’t bother. Let this video do it for you instead.
BITS AND BOBS
Paul Clement will not be putting the cones out for Big Sam any time soon after Bayern Munich put the stoppers on England appointing him as assistant manager.
Paul Pogba. Manchester United. £100m. 48 hours. Blah blah. Next!
The Queen’s Celtic’s Leigh Griffiths has been accused of introducing his fist to Igor Sh!tov’s mush during last night’s Big Cup draw. “Griffiths punches Sh!tov in the match,” yelped Astana on social media outrage outlet Twitter. “There was a bit of handbags and one of their men went down. Both of us could have been booked to be honest,” yelped Griffiths by way of reply.
For some reason or other Francis Coquelin is set to replace Per Mertesacker at centre-back for Arsenal.
And Atlético Nacional have made Copa Libertadores history by becoming the first team from Colombia to win the tournament – which is actually just a big excuse for a fireworks party – twice. They beat Independiente del Valle of Ecuador 2-1 on aggregate.
STILL WANT MORE?
Robin van Persie to the Pope’s Newc O’Rangers? No, really. It’s in today’s Rumour Mill, at least.
Stevan Jovetic backheels successfully, and a Mamadou Sakho prank backfires spectacularly in this week’s Classic YouTube round-up.
The FA’s game-changer for youth coaching? More ball work and less bellowing, says qualified FA youth coach Jamie Fahey.
AFC Wimbledon’s return to Plough Lane could spell the end for London’s last dog racing track, barks Oliver Bullough.
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